Why We All Need A Role Model

If you had a role model growing up, raise your hand. If that role model helped you to achieve in any way, keep your hand raised but if not, put it back down. I’m going to assume for most of you that your hand is no longer up. Why is that?

First, let’s look at the meaning of the title ‘role model’. It means A person who serves as an example of the values, attitudes, and behaviours associated with a role. The keywords I want to bring forth are ‘values, attitudes and behaviours‘. The majority of our role models in society are manufactured celebrities designed with the intent to sell their brand. They look good, so we idolise them and copy them in order to make ourselves ‘look good’ but what values do they carry? What are they teaching us to think about ourselves and about others?

What we have created is a society of insecure individuals who are striving to fit a mould of what makes us attractive or popular. Our ‘role models’ begin from a young age and are heavily marketed to us on a daily basis. Basically, we’re taught to follow trends and to compare ourselves and our self-worth against those who are popular.

Imagine if we took the celebrity role models and replaced them with youth in tech, aspirational teen inventors or mindful future leaders. What difference would we see in our youth or in ourselves? Would there be a shift in mental health? Would there be a leap in self-development or self-confidence?

If we analysed the three keywords – values, attitudes, and behaviours and used them as a benchmark before making a decision on who and what should be marketed and praised, we would build a completely different world and even if we take it to a practical level, it would be more of a boost to our economy and less of a threat to our environment. How? Swapping the consumer for the builder. The taker for the giver and the doubt for the belief.

It all starts with you. Whether you’re parents at home or just a friend wanting to guide others. Some of our most important role models are those closest to us. As parents or friends, we need to teach others about respect for one another by respecting ourselves and those around us. Find your core values, and carry them through your attitudes and behaviours.

Don’t fall off the path to follow a crowd because you’ll lose yourself and end up dissatisfied. Be your own role model and be the change.

Health: 4 Steps To Declutter Your Body

Health can be challenging. Our bodies are complex machines, constantly fighting off different bacteria and being exposed to a wide range of chemicals from diet, pollution, household products, water supplies, the list goes on. On top of that, our bodies have to adjust to high levels of cortisol when we are stressed, the often debilitating side effects of pharmaceutical drugs and the resulting hormonal and immune complications from all of the above.

Even the most durable machine can be overloaded and without the right fuel, it’s hard to stay on top of health. If you go into any room of people and ask who their suffers from regular fatigue, brain fog and stress I don’t there wouldn’t be a hand left down. If this is you, your body might just need a reset. Here are 4 quick points on how to declutter your body and stay on top of your health.


Flush out daily toxins with alkalizing water. The amount you should drink actually depends on your gender, weight and lifestyle. I try to drink at least 2 litres per day and that’s not including the water from other sources. Water is incredibly important and with your brain alone being made-up of 70% water, you don’t want to overlook the importance of quality. The reason for this is, water can be full of chemicals like chlorine and fluoride. You end up putting the toxins back in and as fluoride is accumulative in the human body and a neurotoxin, it’s easy to go over the safety barrier resulting in toxicity overload. Buildups of fluoride over time can cause various serious health conditions. For more information on this visit Fluoride Alert.


Exercise gets blood and oxygen pumping through your body, allowing organs to be repaired. Regular fitness is one of the best ways to detoxify, as it drains your lymphatic system and helps you to sweat out toxins. All you need is a good 20 minutes of exercise to get your heart rate up and allow your system to get to work. Exercise is also proven to improve your memory,  thinking-skills and lifts your overall mood.


Did you know sunshine (Vitamin D3) actually kills off bacteria? Getting outdoors for 20 minutes per day creates over 200 antimicrobials, killing off bad bacteria, funguses and viruses. Vitamin D has so many other health benefits, including reducing depression and strengthening your bones. Toxins that arent excreted by your body gets stored in your bones causing conditions such as osteoporosis. So keep your bones healthy, detoxed and strong by keeping sunscreen off for at least 20 minutes. When you do reach for sunscreen, keep it organic to reduce additional toxins.

Mind Weeding

Negative thoughts build negative energy. Negative energy releases negative chemicals into the body like cortisol. Cortisol is the stress hormones that puts our bodies into fight or flight. Too much cortisol has been shown to shrink the hippocampus section of our brain and is linked to various other serious health conditions. Our daily lives at work, not to mention our high pressured society keeps us on our toes but too much of this with no downtime takes its toll.

Mind weeding is exactly as it sounds – Ridding the mind of unwanted and unnecessary thoughts that are weighing us down. This is especially important and challenging for those suffering from depression.

There are two steps for mind weeding that work for me. They are journalling and affirmations.

Every single day, there are between 50,000-70,000 thoughts running through our heads. You may be over-thinking your large workload, thoughts that pop up for your next meeting, things you have to wish you had said, scenarios you didn’t handle as well as you had liked, times and dates of appointments, the pain you have carried from a relationship, you name it!

Journalling takes away the full weight of responsibility from your brain. It gives us a psychological settlement that you have written it down and it’s okay – you don’t need to think about that anymore. That weight off seems to give us a sense of closure. This is very important if your thoughts are around a painful experience like a break-up. In this case, write down your feelings, thoughts and words to the other person. Youll be amazed at want closure this can bring. You don’t need to give it to them, just take away that weight from your mind.

The other tactic is affirmations. Affirmations are good for embracing acceptance. We all have something in our life that we would like to change but sometimes, we are not always able to or at least not in the immediate future. Instead of stressing over what isn’t and manifesting the negativity, embrace what is and what could be. This allows you to expel negative thoughts, swapping them out with affirmations.

“I hate my job” could be replaced with “There is so much opportunity around me. This is my stepping stone”, “I am so socially anxious” could be swapped with “I am trying my best and I am happy with who I am. I’m still learning”.

We’re all looking towards health. We all know that we should thrive and we are aware that our bodies need to be looked after. It’s about making the steps and putting in the effort. Health can be yours if you truly want it.

Do you have any more tips to share on health? Feel free to share and leave your comments.

The Importance of Acceptance

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” – George Orwell

Acceptance is literally your key to freedom. Learning how to accept what you may not initially want is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your mind. As soon as you accept whatever it is that you have been at war with, the battle is won.

Acceptance can apply to almost every situation in life. At any low points of guilt, blame or distress, acceptance can be an instant breath of peace if you choose to allow it in. This doesn’t mean you can’t change something in your life that you’re unhappy with, it just enables you to tackle the change in a mindful and progressive way.

A couple of years ago, I was delivered a couple of major life challenges that lead me to the point of acceptance but it took a while to get there! The first major life event was ending of my marriage. The second was cancer and heart disease in my family. In the beginning, I was in disbelief. I was angry and felt helpless for my family members who were unwell. I carried enormous guilt and shame that I couldn’t keep my family together for my children. It was torment that lasted for quite a while, leading me into a rut of depression.

As soon as your adopt a mindset of anger, blame, guilt and shame, you begin a cycle that not only affects your mind but also affects your health and those around you. As I have mentioned in previous articles, energy doesn’t disappear, it transfers. So when I would walk into a room or even spend time with my children in this state, it was a vibe that no one wanted to be apart of. Of course this causes even more negative manifestation and around the cycle goes until you feel like you’re too far down the spiral to get out.

I had to hit wall after wall after wall until I finally reached a point of acceptance (what I like to describe as the ‘dancing in the rain’ moment). Until that moment, I had always relied on those close to me for help and guidance, and if they hadn’t been able to offer help I was deeply hurt. What I hadn’t realised, is the help I needed was to come from me and my own mind. This was the helping hand of acceptance.

Acceptance allows you to understand that chapters finish and new ones had start. That is the progression of life. You grow a greater understanding that some things in life are out of our control and that’s okay.

It’s points in our lives when we feel like we’re hitting rock bottom can be the most developmental times in our lives and come to us as a blessing in disguise.

I believe that life has a way of delivering us the learning lessons that we need in order to grow. It’s how we deal with those challenges that determine our success.

How do you learn to accept?

I am a big fan of affirmations. Affirmations are powerful and can help you pave the way to accepting whatever it is you’re facing. Each time you find yourself thinking back and feeling that frustrating pain of dismay, calmly repeat an accepting affirmation to let your subconscious know that you really are okay and that you trust that there is a purpose behind the challenge that you’re facing.

Here’s a list of daily affirmations from self-help author, Louisa Hay. I have used her work on many occasions and highly recommend following her YouTube affirmation blog for those wanting to go deeper.

“I choose to focus on what I can control and have faith that the rest will work out.”

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A Corrupt System: Let’s Have This Conversation…

When human rights are removed and we the people have no trust in a corrupt system, who do you turn to in a time of need?

The truth is, we all know to some degree that we are all a part of a stage show. The actors stand as our leaders and the real producers hide behind the scenes.

From our own comfort zone, we say “they wouldn’t do this or they couldn’t get away with that” so we turn a blind eye. However, we have all seen within our own peers the travesty and grotesque greed that can come from humans when given positions of power over others and handed a plate full of ‘significance’. We know the power of crowd behaviour and that people naturally are easily influenced by this. Just think back to school bullying and how easily it is for this behaviour to spread. Rumours are created and those who are considered different from the mould of what’s ‘normal’ are teased. Do we actually believe we grow up from this, or do we just become more calculated in our approaches? So why should it be any different for the wealthiest names on the planet?

Could they actually own the globe, all the healthcare, the media, the education systems, manipulate the science, cover up crimes and change the laws – all whilst getting away with it?

Personally, I find it ignorant that we could view it any other way. We’re given the ideas of choice in many aspects in our life, especially when it comes to politics and media sources but even the smallest scratch on the surface will reveal the same puppeteers pulling all the strings.

In this point of time life can be viewed as hopeless and catastrophic, with a whirlwind of misinformation shooting at us from every direction. It’s overwhelming and it’s easier for us to stick to preconceived ideas and what we have been taught than it is to change our thinking, shift our minds and reshape the way we live. However, it is now more than ever that we need to listen to one another and open our minds to all possibilities, regardless of our current beliefs.

It’s now that we need to show love more than ever before, to understand more than ever before and to be as open as we possibly can. Start talking. Ask another their opinions, share your ideas, read all sources of information, research for yourself and be aware of masked agendas where there is big money involved.

Throw away the weapons from the ego and stand with heart and eyes open. There is no denying that we are one, made from the same stardust. We have the answers already – all we have to be is willing to grow and learn.

Let’s have this conversation…

Why You’re Doing Better Than You Think…

Perhaps you haven’t been able to hold down relationships or jobs, maybe you haven’t been able to socially fit in. You feel alone. 

You look at achievers, climbing the ladder higher and higher in every aspect of life while you’re barely able to get through a day without tears and distress. You feel like a failure. 

“Why can’t I do something right? Why can’t I follow anything through? Why can’t I hold down close friendships?” You achieve nothing. Your distress manifests until you’re certain you will never really be okay. 

I don’t think anyone who doesn’t have a mental illness understands just how much you’re beating yourself up. Whether it be physical, mental and emotional, you’re hurting yourself inside and out. It’s hard enough knowing there is something ‘wrong’ with you but I think the hardest bit is the fact you still have to fit in with a mostly ‘normal’ society defined by benchmark standards. 


That’s the problem right there. You’re trying to compare yourself to a benchmark of a standard but who sets that benchmark? Who is to define normal? Average? What even is this idea of normal? Does normal differ depending on the topic? As you can see, it’s so much more than black and white. 

It starts from a young age through childhood development, carried throughout schooling and into our adult lives. We’re programmed to compete. We set these marks into our general everyday life. Have we married too early or too late? Kids too early or too late? Are we raising them the right way? Will we be judged for breastfeeding too long or not at all? Have we travelled like others? Do we own a home? How could anyone expect to be happy in this high-pressured, programmed environment? 

What’s the answer? Dial back. 

If you’re one of 350+ million people worldwide saying ‘I struggle to get through a day‘ then here’s your answer. That benchmark you’re comparing yourself to needs to be set by you and for you ONLY. What did you achieve today? What’s one thing today that you did that you can be proud of?  I don’t mean if you won an award or got promoted. I mean did you get up and find gratitude for something in your life? Did you shut down a brief moment of inner negative self-talk? Did you look in the mirror and compliment yourself today? Because if you do this daily and begin to build those stairs up, it won’t be long until you’re taking big strides to the top. Every step forward is the biggest achievement yet and needs to be celebrated. 

I want to remind you that you were once a baby that was completely dependent, but you rolled onto your belly and started to crawl, and you mastered that! It wasn’t long until you were pulling yourself up on everything you could find just to stand, some days you fell straight on your butt but you never gave up. It didn’t even bother you that it took some time to be able to be stable but once you got there, you weren’t going to hold back. You had a burning intrinsic drive that you could do more! You took a step and soon you were walking and then you were unstoppable. With so much to explore you couldn’t get around fast enough until you ran and you’re running still today. You’re still here. 

Babies achieve so much because their minds are free of society’s pressures and status quos. Whether you have depression or not, we would all be a hell of a lot happier if we just dialled back to our own benchmarks and ran at our own pace. 

Stop comparing yourself to others, stop worrying about if you’re playing the game of life the right way. There is no right way. You’re playing it fine. 

Never forget that you have been a free thinker before and you can be a free thinker again. Take your own hand and hold it tight because the best person to impress here is yourself. 

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3 Key Steps For Mindful Development

We’re turning to holistic goals. We’re wanting to achieve something greater than a promotion at work and another step up the ladder.

It’s the day of becoming the best version of yourself and connecting with higher consciousness. The mental shift is amazing and very exciting time to be a part of. We’re slowly but surely turning away from what we know to be wrong and turning towards a path of mindful development. How do you know when it’s happening within you? It’s the movement of becoming consciously aware of what you’re putting into your bodies, that small discomfort when you judge another, that sinking feeling when you let your values slip and that split second of guilt when you throw out the plastic. We want to be better, we want to do good. We’re on our way. Sometimes, all we need is a few small reminders and key steps.

STOP Judging

You can’t judge another until you have walked a day in their shoes. You already know this. You agree with this, but are you living by it? The minute you judge another, you categorise them based on what you perceive to be true. You’re ignorant to their situation, experience and circumstance. To cast a judgement is close-minded and only shows your own limitations, so really, you’re letting yourself down and hindering your development.

How empowering is it when someone criticises another and you politely but firmly take a diplomatic stand and don’t join in. It’s a win-win. You will strengthen your own relationships with your peers, as you will be seen as a trustworthy person that holds integrity.

Eliminating judgement is the first step to becoming the best version of yourself.

Check your energy

Energy is not destroyed, it is transferred from one person to another. Notice when someone is in a bad mood and it brings you and everyone else down? It literally does just that. Whenever you’re around others and stepping through the front door, check what energy you’re bringing to the table.

Your energy should be a key focus for mindful development. It contributes to who you attract and how others will treat you. It can be so hard to stay on top of this after a stressful day at work or a busy lifestyle, so it sometimes requires a bit of effort. One of the easiest ways I have found in shifting my energy state is listening to music or having a laugh. Before you get out of your car and head into the house, chuck on a funny YouTube clip and have a giggle or listen to an uplifting song that can’t help but shift your mood.


Be aware of your surroundings and hold either appreciation or acceptance for what is currently in your life. If it’s adding value to your life, appreciate it and be openly grateful. If it’s a circumstance you would like to change, but may not yet be able to, find acceptance. This doesn’t mean you accept it and don’t try to improve it, but don’t carry any negative emotions towards it.

We live such fast lives, we almost skim over everything that isn’t part of ourselves. When you become more aware, you see things as they are and in a different light. Notice how the tree outside your window is moving? Or looking up at the night’s sky and being taken in by how surreal the concept of Space is!

Awareness is going to be that little bit of magic that puts it all into perspective and makes you realise that you are alive in the present. What a wonderful gift that is.

Do you have any other key steps to mindful development? Feel free to share them below.




A Story Of A Vicious Cycle

Another huge fight? Are we really back here? I thought we made a promise that this wouldn’t happen again and we would stop this vicious cycle? I thought you promised not to raise your voice? It doesn’t matter, I let my feelings get the better of me.

I’m sorry I overreacted. I know to you it seems to fly out of nowhere, that it was uncalled for and irrational. I can understand how it can be perceived that way.

But I do believe you’ve underestimated the power of pain. The thing is, I take in every word you say. When you tell me you love me, that I am your everything, that means something. I take everything you say to heart. Every promise you break, I’m foolish enough to believe that will keep your word. Every time we make up, I’m foolish enough to believe that it won’t happen again. You have the control to make me rise and to make me fall. Why don’t you choose to make me rise?

I end up back in a vicious cycle of thinking, he wouldn’t have said that or done that if I hadn’t reacted the way that I did. Maybe it’s my fault? Yet I still hold that strength inside me that says ‘what got you to that point?

My feelings, they’re real, no matter how inconvenient they must be for you. Perhaps I am overreacting, but your effort to join me at a level of understanding is pretty poor.

Is this what it feels like to really care about someone? Or do I care because inside I know that I am trying to prove that I am enough to you? Enough to make you actually care if I am upset and not leaving me feeling like some messed up burden.

You would be frustrated to read this. Would you even know who this was about? You would probably look at me like I was crazy again.

There are words and there are actions. The sweetest words are invalid if they’re not backed up with genuine care. Why do I ever believe your words?

I guess it’s just up to me to decide how much I let your words affect me, positively or negatively.

It’s time to say my guard is up. It’s my safe place and I know that I will be okay here. I would like to think that you will notice and knock on my door to see if I am alright, but I wouldn’t expect that anymore.

I’ve learnt a lot from my time with you and it’s clear that you can’t make people into something they’re not and I can’t seek solitude in the same thing that hurts me. Looking for different answers in the same place is starting to drain me and I am tired. I’m exhausted.

I have this burning desire to be alone, to walk away. I’m just not sure yet how to do it. I’m going to climb into my bed, close my eyes and let my body repair itself. Maybe then my answers will come.


Why Boundaries Are So Important…

Often the more you have been through, the more you understand others and their own situations. This is both a blessing and a curse. Where you can fall down, is where you can become someone who gets taken for a bit of a ride if you don’t have any boundaries set in place. It’s good to understand people have ‘off’ days and that everyone makes mistakes. You know that nobody is perfect. You’ve gained the wisdom. But others may not be there yet. To ensure you don’t get taken for granted or end up feeling devalued, you may need to set some boundaries.

As life goes on, we tend to lose sight of our own limits and values. We have so many outside influences that bend and shape who we are to suit the outside world. We people-please so much that in the end, we don’t even know what our own boundaries are.

Boundaries can be applied to every area of your life. They could be

  • Personal boundaries of what you won’t participate in
  • What you won’t tolerate in a job
  • What you won’t accept in your relationships

What I love about boundaries is you openly state what you will and will not put up with in life. They’re not an attack on another, they’re simply your limits that cannot be breached. There are three key points to finding your boundaries.

1. The first point is to list out what your limits are. Consider what you can tolerate and what pushes you too far. What stresses you? What will you not accept? What are you willing to let slide? Write these down somewhere where you will be reminded, as it’s easy to forget your own boundaries. Boundaries can be what you will not tolerate, how we won’t be spoken to or just general things we aren’t willing to do. It’s important that when you enter a relationship that you clearly let your partner know about your boundaries. This records what your deal breakers are. Encourage them to do the same and you’ll be setting up the foundations for a healthy relationship.

2. The second key point is tuning into your true feelings. This can be quite hard as many of us adapt to our environment and sometimes lose our true selves in the process. To find your true feelings, we have to look back over difficult situations in our lives and look at what has really bothered us. What has caused you the most emotional upset? What parts have you not forgotten? Where have you not spoken up when you wish you had? If you have found yourself uncomfortable in a situation where you feel overly distressed, it’s likely your boundaries were breached.

3. The third point is talking to others about boundaries they have set and how they went about them. This point is important because on so many occasions we don’t want to be seen as extreme or unfair, nor do we want to be seen as weak pushovers. It’s good to know what limits others set. This will help us to get a sense of perspective on where to set our own boundaries, while at the same time finding our own versions. Remember, everyone’s boundaries will be unique.

If you haven’t figured out your boundaries, there is no need to be concerned. Many of us are still finding boundaries, adapting them and learning. The most important thing is you try to remain true to yourself as much as you can.

Remember that it’s always okay to say ‘no’ and to look after yourself first.

Is It Love Or Emotional Abuse?

Who else sick and tired of emotional abuse being confused for love? Emotional and mental abuse accepted and encouraged as normal behaviour? It seems our society is stuck on this idea that control, insecurity, and demands are just expressions of love. 

“He (or she) wouldn’t be like that if they didn’t love you! It’s because they care so much!” 

No. It’s because their ego cares so much. When it comes to you? Well, there’s no real care at all. How does the control make you feel? The blame you take for their insecurities and demands? What toll is it taking on you? How is your mental and emotional well-being? Not so good, right? 

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but your partner cares about what you do for them and what they gain from being with you— nothing to do with what’s best for you. You’re not an individual to them; you’re a commodity, a possession. Let’s be real here: they could easily replace you if their ego were rubbed the right way by another person. It hurts to hear but unfortunately, it’s all about them. 

What are some examples of this so-called ‘love’? 

Do you have a partner who dictates what you wear and who you talk to? Sometimes the little love bunny may disguise these rules as ‘looking out for you’ by reminding you who you can and cannot trust. They’re the first to tell you that your friends are bad role models. Remember, you’re too naive to make those decisions yourself.  

How about a partner who accuses you of making them overreact and blames you for their insecurities, even though you’ve done nothing to break their trust? The point is you might, and that’s enough reason for them to attack you daily.  

Does your partner demand to know all the details? Who was there, who you spoke to, and if you dared to tell anyone about your dysfunctional relationship?  You may need someone to talk to, but you have to understand their ego and pride won’t allow them to be exposed for what they are. Since you’re their property, they need to know where you are and who you’re with at all times. 

Perhaps it’s the partner who doesn’t seem interested in your concerns? God help you if you don’t listen to theirs! 

It’s the classic partner who has double-standards on almost everything and makes you second-guess yourself. 

And of course, the partner who constantly reminds you of everything they do for you and points out how lucky you are to be with them.  

So what is emotional abuse? 

It’s a partner who treats you like shit, a partner who doesn’t love you and whom you’re only with out of fear, guilt or pity. 

Your partner is emotionally abusive, lacking the emotional and mental maturity of a high-functioning relationship based on equality, communication and love. 

But you feel compelled to stay as you are always told any problems are your fault.. and so you try even harder.. but it won’t work… The best way to help them is to force them to confront the reality of who they are and the best way to help you is to GET OUT and start to grow out of your confines. 

Got any more examples of so-called love? Add your comments below! 

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